If were born a sensitive soul, the connections you expected to experience on this planet are deep, truthful, & even spiritual. But this may not have been the case when you arrived. You may have been born into a situation full of people who forgot the foundation of life’s interconnection, & received a poor impression of what it means to be a part of a social network as you encountered superficiality, deceit, & fragmented ways of relation. This would have caused a distorted view of relationships that forms the message of “I must be an outcast” which rings through the hallways of your subconscious. & the response to this undercurrent of pain likely was a self induced sentence to isolation to protect exposing your emotions from further pangs. This isn’t because you’re unaware of how to build within the interpersonal realm, but because in your heart rests a subtle, yet consistent stream of grief: a mourning of the long lost family you’ve never met due to your initial attempt that lead to failure; & was quietly accepted as normal. Although, in your bones you understand it feels undeniably unnatural.
For any sane human being, including myself, this would have risen the white flag in your pocket to give up dealing with groups for as long as you remain on Earth. To live as a social nomad never growing your roots in any plot of land besides the one you’ve likely found within your connection to the Spirit. This is a safe option because you never have to take personal relationships seriously again. You can dip your toes in this pool & that one, & can easily find your way out at the drop of a hat if you detect an inkling of disrespect from your hurt perspective, which could simply be the unavoidable appearance of miscommunication. You’re like a cat that watches everyone closely & only comes near if the exact conditions prove you’re absolutely safe. A wise way to exist. Or so it seems as first.
Eventually, the demands of your humanity will cry out from the murky depths to the lucidity of your undivided attention to return back towards some form of community. We are intentionally designed from the top down to invite connections of all kinds. The ability to seamlessly transact with the beings around us is an essential part of what makes us human. & as this call for tribe sounds its gong, so does the call to defend yourself from experiencing what you believe will be a repetition of the past. But this is where your consciousness must reign supreme over your wounds to heal them from their sorrow. Recognize that the initial impression was just that: the very first iteration not of a want, but an innate need to weave harmoniously with others. We also had the need at a young age to travel through the world with our own body from our own strength, but we stumbled. Yes, this must have given our young hearts pangs of grief as well from losing our steps. Oh how we must have cursed the ground for breaking our fall! How our immature determination of balance fooled us time & time again! Until, it didn’t. & we began to walk with a profound sense of elation & a brand new access of life. Relationships are the same way. A broken heart is the same way. Discerning the right people to bond with & those to let go is the same way. So you can try again, can you not?
Now, you have seen through the test of your past from the gift of the present, & you have an opportunity to reintegrate back into society just as the core of your being longs for. But this time instead of wandering into a situation designed by the lottery machine of the cosmos (or perhaps we unknowingly decided a tough time), you can gradually choose to initiate bonds with those who you feel will nurture your unique expression. An expression that in the past was obstructed to the point of dormancy. We do not attract what we desire. We attract what we are. & even if in your depths of meditation you feel you have the energy of a king or queen, but you don’t allow yourself to release that into the wild because you feel others don’t deserve it, then guess what? You will attract those who emit the same closed off personalities that make them socially poor, & you all can celebrate your self proclaimed outcasts statuses alone together. & you can revel in the endless complaints your sharp intellects can concoct about the evils of society & how it should all be burned to the ground to begin anew. Or, you could take this signal you enjoy within the safety of your solitude, & bring that into the cracks of your heart so it can expand in all its radiance through your mind & body. & you can take this illumination into the public to draw in those who resonate at the frequency you yourself adore. You even have the power to approach people you feel match your vibration to slowly build the social network you came here to expect. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. Will it require courage & cause you to feel truly alive. Of course it will! & in the process of continually igniting the natural bravery that lies in all of us, you will heal your grief in the process by remembering that Love is everywhere. It is the binding force of all individuals that can transform across the kaleidoscope of spacetime. There may be people who are dead to you now, but you are alive. So you have the chance to try again. So rest when you must. But do not forget to try again until it works. The laws of this universe are designed for it to do so.
